I wrote this a long time ago but I still like the sentiment.
Part 1. RECOGNITION
I know nothing about relationships. How people relate and find partners baffles me every time, which is surprising giving my line of work, what attracts one to someone else, what makes us choose the person that will hurt us, why we find ourselves liking the person that we know is wrong? Yet others seem to find easily that perfect match, who makes them happy, whole and is capable of having a healthy relationship. See why it puzzles me? I wonder if it’s a random thing, the universe picks and chooses and we have no option but sit back and observe.
It’s obviously deeper than that, we’re part of it, we eventually decide who we get to like, so if we dig the emotionally challenged type, how did we end up there? There are a few theories, clearly as a therapist the first one will be the messed up childhood, maybe you don’t see it, and as you think back you say “it wasn’t that bad. It has nothing to do with who I am now” Trust me, it was and it does. Because watching how mom and dad relate to others and to each other form the way we will relate later in life, now let’s say mom changed the way she dressed to please dad/significant partner or the way she talked, thought, etc. you can bet that it will affect how you relate to your significant other. Or let’s try the typical dad thinks that the man needs to take care of the woman, well clearly repercussions will come, now try to think about how you were raised, how your parents relate and compare. You either try to do the exact opposite or end up making the same mistakes.
See, I told you it was and that it does.
Let’s try another theory; we get the relationships we think we deserve, so if we have no respect or love for ourselves, how can we look for a relationship that involves either of those if we don’t know what that feels like, if we don’t understand the true meaning of those words and how to give it to ourselves, well it’s going to be even harder to find it in someone else. Don’t you agree? “If I feel I don’t deserve love, I will not get love”
We could also try the bad luck theory, though that’s not much of a theory, more of an excuse to the bad decisions we make “Oh, I just seem to have bad luck with men.”
Part 1. RECOGNITION
I know nothing about relationships. How people relate and find partners baffles me every time, which is surprising giving my line of work, what attracts one to someone else, what makes us choose the person that will hurt us, why we find ourselves liking the person that we know is wrong? Yet others seem to find easily that perfect match, who makes them happy, whole and is capable of having a healthy relationship. See why it puzzles me? I wonder if it’s a random thing, the universe picks and chooses and we have no option but sit back and observe.
It’s obviously deeper than that, we’re part of it, we eventually decide who we get to like, so if we dig the emotionally challenged type, how did we end up there? There are a few theories, clearly as a therapist the first one will be the messed up childhood, maybe you don’t see it, and as you think back you say “it wasn’t that bad. It has nothing to do with who I am now” Trust me, it was and it does. Because watching how mom and dad relate to others and to each other form the way we will relate later in life, now let’s say mom changed the way she dressed to please dad/significant partner or the way she talked, thought, etc. you can bet that it will affect how you relate to your significant other. Or let’s try the typical dad thinks that the man needs to take care of the woman, well clearly repercussions will come, now try to think about how you were raised, how your parents relate and compare. You either try to do the exact opposite or end up making the same mistakes.
See, I told you it was and that it does.
Let’s try another theory; we get the relationships we think we deserve, so if we have no respect or love for ourselves, how can we look for a relationship that involves either of those if we don’t know what that feels like, if we don’t understand the true meaning of those words and how to give it to ourselves, well it’s going to be even harder to find it in someone else. Don’t you agree? “If I feel I don’t deserve love, I will not get love”
We could also try the bad luck theory, though that’s not much of a theory, more of an excuse to the bad decisions we make “Oh, I just seem to have bad luck with men.”
But here’s the thing, all of these are just theories, discussed and agreed on, yet still unproved. Although DUDE! If you’re dating someone that you know is an asshole, that is in a relationship or that is absolutely damaged, don’t blame it on the universe, karma or bad luck and take responsibility for your own "stupid" decisions.
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