My reactions to people's dumb responses to me being single.

We have those family members, friends, friends' parents, nosey family friend that just can't help themselves and need to ask about our dating and relationship situation.

Here it's how it usually goes:

Them: So, seeing anybody? How's the dating going?

Me: No, I'm not seeing anybody, I enjoy being single.


Their creative and not at all repetitive responses:

But you're pretty: Umm, thanks?...I knew that but right now I feel this is being used against me, I see no correlation between being consider attractive and having a relationship, but my older relatives apparently know something I don't because this is their favorite response to my singlehood.

Really? But aren't you afraid you will end up alone? : My 20 something mind goes into full panic mode with that "I wasn't until now! Will I end up alone, bitter and perhaps crazy with a hundred cats? I don't even like cats! Can I at least switch to dogs? It would seem they'd treat me better in my old lonely age." but I keep it together on the outside and say something like, "Not at all! Being single is empowering! You should definitely try it"

And you are happy?: Oh, there's that tone, that if you don't have a guy hanging from your arm you cannot be happy tone, this one usually comes with "well, good for you!" which they don't really mean and my answer for this gem of a question comes with a wide smile and a "of course I'm happy"

Well, we'll just have to fix you up with someone! : Crap! This is a tricky one, because sometimes they will actually go through with it and do it and then you usually end up stuck in a double date when you thought you were going to the movies with a group of friends, but no, now there's a date and you have to be nice and polite even though by now your friend should know this guy is not your type but it's not his fault, so you are nice to the guy because the only one who deserves your bad mood is your so-called friend.

Yes, they mean well, they want you to be happy and have all the things they always wished for you and that you have a complete life, with a husband and kids and all of those dreams that people who care about you have dreamed for you, clearly not everyone, some actually are just nosey assholes, anyway, the thing is that all of those good intentions don't matter, particularly to our generation because even though we can be confident and sure of our happiness this type of comments can rattle our brain and our deeply hidden fears, so next time you feel like commenting with this, I invite you to not.

This is me trying to get it

I wrote this a long time ago but I still like the sentiment.


Part 1. RECOGNITION
I know nothing about relationships. How people relate and find partners baffles me every time, which is surprising giving my line of work, what attracts one to someone else, what makes us choose the person that will hurt us, why we find ourselves liking the person that we know is wrong? Yet others seem to find easily that perfect match, who makes them happy, whole and is capable of having a healthy relationship. See why it puzzles me? I wonder if it’s a random thing, the universe picks and chooses and we have no option but sit back and observe.


It’s obviously deeper than that, we’re part of it, we eventually decide who we get to like, so if we dig the emotionally challenged type, how did we end up there? There are a few theories, clearly as a therapist the first one will be the messed up childhood, maybe you don’t see it, and as you think back you say “it wasn’t that bad. It has nothing to do with who I am now” Trust me, it was and it does. Because watching how mom and dad relate to others and to each other form the way we will relate later in life, now let’s say mom changed the way she dressed to please dad/significant partner or the way she talked, thought, etc. you can bet that it will affect how you relate to your significant other. Or let’s try the typical dad thinks that the man needs to take care of the woman, well clearly repercussions will come, now try to think about how you were raised, how your parents relate and compare. You either try to do the exact opposite or end up making the same mistakes.
See, I told you it was and that it does.


Let’s try another theory; we get the relationships we think we deserve, so if we have no respect or love for ourselves, how can we look for a relationship that involves either of those if we don’t know what that feels like, if we don’t understand the true meaning of those words and how to give it to ourselves, well it’s going to be even harder to find it in someone else. Don’t you agree? “If I feel I don’t deserve love, I will not get love”


We could also try the bad luck theory, though that’s not much of a theory, more of an excuse to the bad decisions we make “Oh, I just seem to have bad luck with men.”

But here’s the thing, all of these are just theories, discussed and agreed on, yet still unproved. Although DUDE! If you’re dating someone that you know is an asshole, that is in a relationship or that is absolutely damaged, don’t blame it on the universe, karma or bad luck and take responsibility for your own "stupid" decisions.

"Holy sh*t, you're a dude"

So, what's new? Any men in your life?

I have always been puzzled by this, why is it that the first question people make when they haven't seen you in a while is are you in a relationship? There are far more interesting and important things in life than having a relationship, yet humans seem obsessed to define a life as successful only if and when you're in a relationship and lack of one immediately means you lead a sad and disappointing life.

Now, I'm not saying I'm against relationships, I think it's wonderful how people relate and fall in love, I'm a big fan of it, I love seeing people who truly love each other, the way they interact, their little secrets, hidden and unknown to the rest, their codes, it's absolutely beautiful and as a matter of fact I admire it, it's an amazing ability that not everyone is equipped to handle. Yet I take an issue with having to explain myself every time I say I'm very happy being single and unattached, I'm attacked and called a liar because I must obviously want a relationship, I must obviously need a man to be happy and to rescue me from whatever the hell I need to be rescued from. I'm actually happy with it.

It has come to my attention that even in TV and movies those characters get attacked, take Summer from 500 days of Summer, she gets judge and hated not because of her actual mistake (knowing she didn't want a relationship while reeling him into one) but the problem most people had with her seems to be that she likes being on her own, that she wants to be independent and single and that she's happy with it.

People, happiness does not depend on having a relationship or not. Let's be happy because we deserve it, because we're amazing, because we're successful, let's be happy for the little things.

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

Sara Bareilles

King of Anything

Beauty Industry

As girls we get bombarded with feminine stereotypes 24/7, how we’re supposed to dress, eat, look like, if we don’t follow the rule we’re judged, by the media, strangers, friends and worst by ourselves.

Every single day we see the ads, we hear the commentary, we’re told that our bodies should be size 3,2,1,0 and no higher and if it does we must diet immediately, exercise 2 hours a day, take “miracle” pills, fasten for a week, anything but be “fat” we are given this message that clothes must fit us and not the other way around, I see women who buy clothes smaller than their sizes because it’ll motivate them, motivate them to be thinner, because thin is beautiful, to me healthy is beautiful, I say that we should change it from be thin to be healthy.

But it’s not only our sizes that we’re criticized on, there’s also our wardrobe, get out of the norm and you don’t know how to be a girl, you’re the odd girl out and let the criticism rain in, because for some, for most actually, fashion is a one way street and the minute you get out of it, you’re a “walking mess” but being out of the norm applies not only to fashion but by how we speak, how we express ourselves, we’re strongly encouraged to follow in and keep the strange thoughts to ourselves and when we don’t the looks given say it all, of course it rarely stays in looks, the disapproval rises up until it overflows and then it’s not just looks, but judging is verbalized, whether it’s by friendly jokes, helpful tips or the direct critic, for some reason it is always hard for humans to accept that not everyone thinks, dresses or behaves the way we do.

And even at our most confident moments it can get to us, perhaps just for a split second but it does.

So, here I am taking a humble stand and saying let’s check our stereotypes, let’s check what we say, because we just never know.

"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart"
Helen Keller